Create A Life You Love Newsletter

Practical steps to have MORE in your life - More fun, more love, more peace, more excitement.

ISSUE NO 12: 'Invalidation vs Respect'

1. Announcements/Offers
2. FEATURE: 'Invalidation vs Respect'
3. Relationship Corner
4. The Personal Touch
5. About the "Create a Life You Love" Newsletter

Next Issue: 'Training Your Man'

1. ANNOUNCEMENTS/OFFERS

**Could Life Coaching be the Career for You?**

International Coach Academy have opened the May 1 and June 1 online training programs - for lifestyle coaches around the world.

If you've been waiting for the payment plan, it's here!

And with our new money back guarantee for the month of May how can you lose!?

Visit www.icoachacademy.com or contact sally@icoachacademy.com

**New Newsletter Coming: "Training Your Man"**

Interested? To subscribe, simply send an email to:
trainingyourman@life-coaching-resource.com

**Free Coaching Chat Room** (Next Chat: May 8)

Would you like low cost access to coaching? Or do you have questions on whether or not a career in coaching would suit you? Or about life coaching training? Ask any question you like of professional coach David Wood.

For dates, time, and free registration (including auto-reminder), visit:
http://www.life-coaching-resource.com/coaching-chat-room.htm

Or visit the web site below and click on 'Chat Room'.

**Two Editors Sought **

We're again taking applications for the 'Coach Express' Newsletter, and now also for this newsletter - "Create a Life You Love". (If you applied several months ago, you will be contacted).

The positions are volunteer, however, there will be rewards for increasing the distribution, and you get to keep 50% of any advertising revenue you create. Plus you have the invaluable experience of editing one of the largest coaching newsletters in the world!

If you're interested, and can dedicate 8 hours a month to editing, please email bronwyn@icoachacademy.com with any applicable experience, and a sample of your writing.

2. FEATURE: 'Invalidation vs Respect'

(My thanks to International Coach Academy who have given permission for me to publish this extract from the CoachCert training program.)

The Merriam Webster Dictionary defines the verb RESPECT as: "to consider deserving of high regard" or "to refrain from interfering with". It defines the verb INVALIDATE as "to weaken or make valueless".

We have the choice to respect or invalidate the people, objects and events in our life, including ourselves. Consider your experience when others respect you, i.e. they "consider you deserving of high regard" or they "refrain from interfering with you."

Now consider your experience when others invalidate you, i.e. they "weaken you" or "make you valueless".

To respect someone or something is a real gift and a powerful way of relating to the world around us. It's also a very natural way for human beings to relate when they are free.

What gets in the way of that freedom are our Judgements.

Coach Trainer Bernard Wheatley says: "When we discern our Judgements we can then choose, or have a say in whether we respect or invalidate.

One of my Judgements is "showing off and being cheeky is bad" (and of course I do both!) So whenever someone appears to be "showing off" or being "cheeky", my Judgement kicks in and I automatically invalidate them. By discerning this Judgement I can let that go and find respect or regard for the person instead."

You may know of people who respect their bodies, by exercising, eating well, stretching, getting the rest and sleep they need, and minimizing alcohol, nicotine and other poisonous substances. I occasionally eat WAY too much chocolate. My underlying belief or Judgement is that I'm not important enough to treat my body very well. Again once I discern this Judgement, I'm able to choose to continue to weaken (Invalidate) my body, or to Respect it. The more practice I get in noticing and letting go of my Judgements, the more effective I become at it.

**Questions for the Discussion Board**

1. What are examples of ways in which people show respect for themselves? For others? How are these different?

2. What are examples of ways in which people invalidate themselves? How do they invalidate others? How are these different, if at all?

**Action Challenges**

1. In the past week, what are three ways in which you have demonstrated respect for yourself?

2. In the past week, what are three ways in which you have demonstrated respect for others?

3. In the past week, describe three ways in which you have invalidated or disrespected yourself. (notice your underlying judgements in each of these)

4. In the next three days, recognize three ways in which you are invalidating others and turn it into respect.

5. In the following four days, recognize three ways you are invalidating or disrespecting yourself, and turn it into respect. (e.g. eating junk food to eating healthy food)

6. Describe how you did it and how it made you feel at the time.

(Post response no.5 and no.6 on the bulletin board (International Coach Academy students only.)

[For a list of the Top Ten Ways We Invalidate, visit www.icoachacademy.com, and click on "Free Taster Training Module"]

3. RELATIONSHIP CORNER

Here is the free coaching I gave to readers last month:

*** *** ***

Always Working: CG, USA

"Love your newsletter! I recently found your website and have gained a whole new understanding of what coaching is. Anyway here is my problem. I try very hard to please my husband, and in fact, give 100% to the relationship. While things are pretty good, he rarely spends anytime with our family. He works irregular hours and spends most of his time at work. What free time he does have is spent with his friends. when he does come home he goes on the computer. I'm at a loss as to what to do!"

COACH:***Dear CG, I'm sure hundreds of thousands of women can relate! Wouldn't it be wonderful if he naturally turned around and started giving you ALL the attention you want and deserve! Ahhhh.... Failing that miracle, are you willing to take responsibility for creating your relationship?

If yes, I suggest a great first approach would be to

a) let him know how much you appreciate how hard he works,
b) let him know you miss him and would like to schedule some quality time with him over the next four weeks,
c) get both your diaries out and DO IT,
d) thank him for being such a hard worker, AND a great husband at the same time!

Remember to acknowledge him EVERY time he takes time away from work for you and the family, and he'll want to do it more often!***

"Doesn't Love Me" - SP, Australia

I have encountered a major problem with my partner in the last two weeks. We have been living together for two years. He was married previously and has just come out of a very acrimonious divorce. We had just come back from an overseas holiday to Europe where we had the time of our lives. On our return he went to the country to see his children and when he arrived home - he said he didn't love me anymore. He moved out whilst I was away for a weekend saying he needed space to sort his feelings out.

He says there is no one else involved and that he is looking to either reconcile with me or remain single for the rest of his life.

He now keeps asking me on dates - what do I do?

COACH:***ouch - that must hurt

He asks you out on dates but doesn't love you? You're missing a future and commitment here SP. See if the two of you can create and agree on a possible future - one that inspires you both. If you can do that, you can see what commitments support that. If you can't, you know what to do!

D***

Ready, but not Desperate: SHLM, Australia

"I am 34 - have come out of a 10 year relationship (2 years ago) - am pretty happy with my life (good job, happy flat, enough money, supportive friends) - am not prepared to make man-hunting the central focus of my life but know I want to be with someone (and have kids in the not too distant future). What to do?"

COACH: *** I would usually work with a client along these lines:

a) clearly define who and what kind of relationship you're looking for - then b) see if there are any areas of your life you would LIKE to polish up to have more fun, enjoy life more, and become more attractive to a partner. (Even if you don't find a man, it's a great path to follow!) - then
c) While not making it your central focus, come up with some actions/activities that will result in you hanging out where your potential partners hang out. ***

4. THE PERSONAL TOUCH

Well! At 2,000 subscribers, I declare this newsletter a great success! And I appreciate you helping it grow by forwarding it to your friends and colleagues who might benefit from the coaching within.

AND - I'm about to focus my coaching quite narrowly! I've decided to concentrate on helping women get exactly what they want and deserve from a relationship - stay tuned for www.trainingyourman.com, and the completely new
newsletter! We're currently seeking an editor for the newsletter you're reading (Create a Life You Love) to ensure the standard continues.

The students at International Coach Academy are lit up and loving the coach training program. VERY high standard of students. Five countries are represented, and we expect more countries to join in for the upcoming courses. We've hired a General Manager in Melbourne, and a Marketing Director in Toronto, plus two great admin staff - things are moving!

I did my first inland hang gliding over Easter, and caught my first thermal - close on the tail of an eagle. And Bronwyn continues to provide me with great joy, fun, and passion. My life is great, and it's largely her fault.

Love David

5. ABOUT THE "Create a Life You Love" NEWSLETTER

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http://www.lifecoachingresource.com

David Wood is a personal coach, and a Director of International Coach Academy - an online coach training company. He asks people "What do you want?", and "What are you doing about it?" He coaches individuals in several countries via e-mail and telephone, and speaks to organisations on topics such as 'Create A Life You Love'. David specializes in helping women get what they want and deserve from
their relationship, and helping new coaches get started in the career of life coaching.

Professional Affiliations: International Coach Federation,
National Speakers Association of Australia,
Institute of Actuaries of Australia.

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