The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.

Client:         Well that’s it. I mean, that would be a hard question for me to actually go over there now, because –

David:         But I’m wondering if you want that.

Client:         Exactly. I mean, she wanted me to keep traveling with her, and I didn’t want to because I’ve done enough traveling, and I still don’t want to do that. So yeah, I don’t think I’d even make that.

David:         Yeah, so it was interesting how I picked it up, the way you said it. You said to her, ‘I’m not going to go and do it because you don’t want that,’ but really you’re not going to come and do it because you don’t want that.

Client:         No. Exactly.

David:         That’s a very different place to come from. ‘This doesn’t support me, and it doesn’t support you, so it’s just really clear,’ rather than, ‘If you wanted me to, I’d be over there,’ which is sneaky, isn’t it?

Client:         I guess I’m always trying to protect myself from getting sort of hurt, or giving away too much. I don’t want to seem like I’m this pathetic, slobbering thing that’s baying for her, which I almost have been. I think she lost respect for me when I was like that.