interview - Inner Firewalking

Forgive and Move On

The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.

David: I was thinking this could be an opportunity to train people in how to be with you, but I wonder if you could just take this as your mother was actually making a contribution to you.

Client: Yeah. She was within her full rights and I wasn’t prepared to give any ground on that occasion, because I was just angry and that was my reaction.

David: Right, and you were being defensive and you were plugged in.

Client: Right.

David: Got it. Is there anything that you need to clean up with your mom over that interaction?

Client: I think I’ve got a lot to clean up with my mom over everything. My father is a very passive person. He used to run his own business and he was very smart, but very passive. All of his staff always loved him. For instance, my sister had a bit of a run in with people at a tennis club one weekend and the person spoke to my dad, and my dad said, ‘Yeah, she’s got a bit of her mother in her.’

So my mother is very aggressive and she was always the one that disciplined us as kids. My father was always the man for the moment, you know. He would say, ‘what’s done, is done’ and how can we cure it? He was never very heavily emotional, whereas mom was always the one who would give a spanking or whatever. You knew if you got a spanking from my father you’d done something really wrong.

David: Right. Well, if I can do a little coaching here – and this is in the communications area – as a coach right now, I’m feeling a little bit lost, and this is normal. I think it’s because I’m hearing a lot of the stories from you. Like ‘this is what happened, and mom was like this’, but it’s really about now. So if you can talk in terms of ‘I feel’ and ‘this is what there is to clean up with my mom right now’, I think I’ll be able to really get it right between my eyes.

Stability is Over Rated

The following is an excerpt David’s interview in Top Coaching Techniques.

Ingrid: It’s interesting that you should say that, because often times it’s easy to say or think that the grass is always greener on the other side. You can get into a bit of a habit about changing jobs.

David: You can. But, you know, I think that stability is overrated. I’ve got to say, I just had a client session today and she was saying, ‘I switched from this to that, and then I’d do this and whatever, and maybe there’s something wrong with me.’ and I said, ‘Well, maybe there is, but maybe your parents just taught you that you should pick something and stick to it, and maybe that’s not the way life has to be. Maybe you should play guitar for a while and join a band, then maybe you should try another career, say, mowing grass. Then maybe you want to be an accountant. I say, what’s the harm? As long as you follow your passion and you’re enjoying it as you do it, and you don’t spend ten years studying just to see if you like it. If you love it keep doing it, and if something else grabs your fancy go and do that.’

Witnessing Real Change

The following is an excerpt of one of David’s interview in Top Coaching Techniques.

Ingrid: And have you seen people make significant changes?

David: I have, I have. I have one client who wanted to find another job. She wasn’t happy with what she had, so we created the perfect job for her; what would it look like, how much money would it be, where would it be, what she would be doing. I was actually very surprised, because within three weeks, she had it.

Ingrid: You’re kidding, in three weeks? It sounds like you’re a bit of a dream catcher.

David: Well, the reason I hesitate sometimes to mention those examples is because someone might go, ‘Oh, that’ll happen for me.’ That’s not always true. In fact, I’ve worked with people for six months on something and they may not fully achieve their goal. But, their life for those six months is completely different because they’re actually fully engaged in what they say is important to them. If you know people around you who are on track to what they want and people who have no idea, there’s a very different flavor in their life.

Michael O. Cooper on Discovering Your Niche

The following is taken from David’s interview with Michael O. Cooper in 10 Super Coaches.

What are your coaching niche(s)? How did you discover this?

Leadership Coaching: I have always held a fascination about leaders and how they ticked, how they inspire and motivate others, and unfortunately, often how their unchecked egos ruin their influence. I discovered the 15 Leadership Proficiencies developed by Thomas Leonard and started using them with a client on a whim. Within a few months I was asked to present at a conference on leadership and have been speaking and coaching ever since. Serendipity really.

Coaching financial advisors to market themselves effectively: I developed this nice out of necessity when I was near bankruptcy and needed to double my income in one month. I had worked with one financial advisor on a pro bono basis and he doubled his business within a few months. I was desperate and began interviewing other financial advisors to understand their market better. Essentially, they developed a “guided coaching program” for me. Within four weeks I quadrupled my business with this program. Note: I didn’t have a passion or experience in this niche, but the need already existed in the market.

David Wood on Training and Certification

The following is taken from David’s interview in 10 Super Coaches.

Would you advise coaches to pursue certification?

Choose a school/training that you admire and respect. And do it to become a better coach. Or do it for the thrill of learning and the good of the profession. But don’t let the ‘piece of paper’ run you. It’s a common myth that a certification will get you more clients. In my experience, it’s simply not true. Try to get certified so you can feel confidend is not the smartest reason.

I got my formal PCC certificatin through the International Coach Federation and I found that it actually wasn’t important at all. I think I may have been asked once in the whole first three years of my coaching what qualification I had, and in that case it was by a magazine that wanted to do a story on me.

I would say to coaches starting out, don’t be panicked or worried by the fact that you may not have a formal certification. Build up your testimonials from clients and let that speak for you.

What Does a Life Coach Do?

The following is an excerpt of an interview with David in Top Coaching Techniques.

Ingrid: Just tell us. Super stars are into these, and regular people too, but what does a life coach do?

David: Executives these days are also using life coaches. A ‘coach’; I mean the word is presumptuous. I’m saying life coach, but really, a life coach helps people to get clear on what they do want in life. Many people you know never tell you what they don’t want in life, and you might hear people around you complain. A coach’s job is to help someone actually clarify goals they’d love to achieve in their life. The second thing a coach does is work with them once a week – usually on the phone, sometimes face to face – to actually make sure those goals get achieved.

Ingrid: When you say, ‘work out what people want to do in their life’, I wouldn’t even know where to start half the time.

David: You know, that often happens where people say, ‘I don’t know what I want.’ so one of the things I do with a client, is to help them go through a goal-finding process. We might start with what you don’t want. So we’ll look at what you’re putting up with in your life – what you’re tolerating, what don’t you like. Then we can start looking at different areas like relationships, health, career, finance, and start setting some goals that would really feel good to you to achieve.