coaching techniques - Inner Firewalking

Ways to Get a Pay Raise

The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.

I will make a suggestion. I think there are two or three ways that would be quite common to go for a pay raise. One might be to work out what you’re worth. You might say that you’re already worth more than you’re being paid, and you might want to simply ask your boss to have a cup of coffee, or to have a chat, or go for a beer after work or something, and ask their opinion. You could say, ‘Do you think I’m worth more?’ ‘Is there more in the budget?’ ‘Could I have a pay raise right now, or within a certain time frame?’

Growing Confidence

The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.

David: Hey, not everyone wants to be around me all the time. In fact, most don’t. They just want to be around me sometimes.

Client: Yeah.

David: So there’s this whole thing about the concept of loving yourself, and I think most of us don’t. I think I’m even still getting there. There are things about us that we just think are wrong. Now, the fact is, it’s not true. Anything about myself that I think I can criticize… Are you a religious person?

Client: Oh yeah, kind of.

David: OK, so let’s use the concept of God. You know God loves all of us. Why shouldn’t we? Who are we, if God says, ‘Look, you’re you and you’re magnificent’, then who are we to say, ‘No, I’m not’?

Client: Yeah, true.

David: That’s really, actually, quite obnoxious. It’s arrogant to say, ‘You know, my lack of confidence is a real problem, God. I shouldn’t have that. That sucks and I’m going to try and fix it every day.’ You know what I mean?

Client: Yes. Okay. That sounds good.

David: So at some point you’ll have this. You’ll have it from time to time, and then you’ll forget it and just go ‘Ah, I’m not going to give that any energy anymore, because it’s okay. I can be unconfident’. At some point it’ll be appropriate for you to have more confidence.

Understanding Coaching Boundaries

The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.

David: I know a woman, a coach, whose brother is an alcoholic. For years she had to put up with hell – her brother coming and taking her car, being at family get-togethers, and all this stuff – and her story, her sorry story, was, ‘Well, he’s my brother and what can I do?’

Client: Yeah.

David: She finally did the kindest thing she could do; she said, ‘You are not welcome in my house while you’re drinking. You cannot have my car, you cannot walk in my house, and you are not allowed at family gatherings. I love you. You’re my brother, but that is the boundary I am setting.’ Do you know what happened?

Client: What, he became sober?

David: I’m not so sure about that, but what I do know is this woman became more powerful and she wasn’t a victim anymore. Now I am wondering what it would take for you? I have to be careful that I don’t ask for something here.

Client: I have to grow up. I am a victim.

Witnessing Real Change

The following is an excerpt of one of David’s interview in Top Coaching Techniques.

Ingrid: And have you seen people make significant changes?

David: I have, I have. I have one client who wanted to find another job. She wasn’t happy with what she had, so we created the perfect job for her; what would it look like, how much money would it be, where would it be, what she would be doing. I was actually very surprised, because within three weeks, she had it.

Ingrid: You’re kidding, in three weeks? It sounds like you’re a bit of a dream catcher.

David: Well, the reason I hesitate sometimes to mention those examples is because someone might go, ‘Oh, that’ll happen for me.’ That’s not always true. In fact, I’ve worked with people for six months on something and they may not fully achieve their goal. But, their life for those six months is completely different because they’re actually fully engaged in what they say is important to them. If you know people around you who are on track to what they want and people who have no idea, there’s a very different flavor in their life.

Dealing With Hurt

The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.

David: Now, one of the things I think is a real opportunity might be this area with your brother.

Client: Mm hmm.

David: Let’s deal with that really quickly. So you wrote on your form, ‘I didn’t call my brother by Thursday as planned. I can’t remember if I forgot or didn’t want to deal with it.’ I’m going to suggest the same thing: that often we forget, because it’s something that we didn’t want to do.

Self-Care, Now!

The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.

Client: Anyway, how are we?

David: We are really, really, really good. Thanks for asking. I’m liking my life, I‘m liking my job, and I’m not too stressed out. I am sleeping less than I used to, and I like it.

Client: Yeah, I’m quite the opposite right now.

David: Yeah, but something that I have noticed that might be more useful to you – I have been able to let go of more. So I don’t think anything’s changed. I still have the same stresses and the same things, but I have just decided that it’s going well, and I am not going to worry about it. I am just going to do what I need to do and do the important stuff first and the rest of it will take care of itself. That has made me feel a lot better.

Client: That sounds good.