The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.

David: Paul, I’m going to ask you to slow down.

Client: [laughing] I’m getting going aren’t I?

David: Yeah, you’re really getting going. So let’s slow down. I get that your mom was tough, but she also did a lot of great stuff. What I’m hearing from you is: if I was going to put it into your words – I’ll put it in your words and you tell me if that’s true for you – it would be, ‘Mom, I wanted more attention as a kid. There’s a certain way I thought that should look and I didn’t get it. I’m actually angry and pissed off, because I didn’t feel loved. I didn’t really, really feel it and I’ve decided (and this may not be rational), but I’ve decided it’s your fault and I’m angry.’ Does that fit you?

Client: Yes.

David: OK, great. Thank you.

Client: So, I’ve toned it down. I was talking in the past.

David: So how would you say it talking in the present? Because I think those feelings are still there. What would you say to her now? I’m not suggesting that you say this to her if you were going to be nosebleed truth about it, but what would you say?

Client: It’s basically what you just said, and it has been said. It was said five years ago. That’s basically what I said. The problem only occurs when I’m living with her; when I see her like a son normally sees his mother.