Create #44: A Winning Relationship Model

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How was this marriage saved?

“Before I found out about these relationship principles, I had actually started divorce proceedings. Thank goodness I found you in time David! Thank you so much from myself, my son, my partner Steve and I am sure the neighbours (because there are no more arguments)!!”

Akua Prempeh
United Kingdom

Click here for ‘The Truth About Women’

Why Be a Vegetarian? And how animals are treated…

Check out this provocative and eye-opening article I found on how animals raised for food are treated. Not for the squeamish:

101 Reasons I Am A Vegetarian

(I’d love to read your comments here on the blog.)

FEATURE: A Winning Relationship Model

Excerpted from my eBook, ‘The Truth About Women.’

In a recent issue we we learned about the Doomed Relationship Model, which unfortunately so many of us use!

Now since most of us don’t want doomed relationships, let’s look at a Winning Relationship Model – one where both partners win?

Please her

It seems a large percentage of men are very fulfilled by making their partner happy. Yet I estimate that as many as 90% of men (often including myself) do not take advantage of this principle. Our conditioning and training leads us to focus on our own needs first, which paradoxically leaves us less fulfilled!

The Attention Game

So how can we use this principle? Us guys can make a conscious effort to give up our own agendas, more often, and to shift our attention to our partners. It may not initially feel natural, but you can begin to pick up what your partners want from you.

And I’m not saying we should do this ALL the time. I’m just saying WAY more than we do now.

Men tend to enjoy achieving goals (Producing), and when women get the right kind of attention, they enjoy it enormously (Consuming). So when men put their attention on working out what women want, and then give it to their partners (i.e. achieved the goals, or Produced), both sexes get their needs met. And the women’s enjoyment (Consumption) is extremely fulfilling for the men.

Giving out of surplus

In our society women tend to please their man out of a sense of obligation, and because they are worried that if they don’t please him, he might leave. They are not usually giving simply from a sense of wanting to give; born out of feeling they have so much in their life that they want others to be happy. This giving from conditioning and fear leads to a natural deep-seated resentment in women that may emerge in the form of anger or meanness – and understandably so!

However, the overwhelmingly good news is that – with the man focusing his attention on the woman – she could reach a point of ‘surplus.’ At this point, she feels so naturally happy and content with the world, and the attention she is receiving, that it will spill over to her man and other people around her. She will want to give him everything he wants from this place of surplus rather than from obligation and fear. AND – because she is able to intuit what he needs even better than he can himself – the man reaches a much higher state of happiness and fulfillment than if he had continued to focus narrowly on his own needs (as sadly most of us do!).

What this means

  • Women tend to give out of a sense of obligation, and a fear that their man will leave them
  • Women enjoy the right kind of attention enormously, and this enjoyment (Consuming) is very rewarding for the man
  • Men tend to enjoy achieving goals (Producing)
  • By focusing on and meeting his partner’s desire for attention, a man can also meet his own needs – creating a win-win situation
  • His job is to pay attention and help meet her needs; her job is to help him get through.

***

You can find specific examples of how to apply this principle in, ‘The Truth About Women.’

Grateful thanks to the More House for their impact on the world and for sharing their information with this eager student ;-)

Best Regards,

P.S. If you have any comments on this newsletter, we’d love you to share them here on the blog.

The Personal Touch

I write this on a plane about to land in Reno, Nevada. I’m heading to Burning Man for the second time, and after that to Harbin Hot Springs for some lovely R&R. (And yes I’ll share pics!)

I managed to fall in love again which has been a beautiful and slightly profound experience. It actually seems I’m too traditional for this lovely being – would you ever believe it? Interesting how closely the feeling of ‘attachment’ can follow a good experience – ‘that was good, I want more!’ Maybe the Buddhists are on to something.

I had perhaps the best birthday party of my life – as I turned 38. Such a delight having my close friends celebrate with me.

Thinking of visiting India (Puna) for a month in December.

Looking forward to launching 3 products in the next months!

And reconnected after several years with Jana Stanfield – her speaking and music rocks! You should check her out; talk about an inspiration.

David

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6 Responses to “Create #44: A Winning Relationship Model”

  1. Anonymous Says:

    you know what? i believe you wrote this on a plane – did you have a couple of martinis first? although i like your concept of a give-give/win-win relationship, i would have to say you really don’t know much about women. …”Women tend to give out of a sense of obligation, and a fear that their man will leave them” – give me a break!

  2. carine alfa Says:

    I would like to share something with you David. I actually do radio shows on Life coaching every week. today I spoke on the concept of happiness.It is weard because when I came back to the office I read your email and you are mentionning exactly the same thing I was talking about the win win situation. I really believe that we life coaches are connected somewhere and we have a mission:
    Pass along the messages. a kind of messenger for the humanity.
    It would be intresting if you can launch a date of birth for all coaches in the world. I think everybody should celebrate the date they felt the call for this coaching mission.

    Yours truly,

    Carine Alfa
    Toyourlife-ready-go.com

  3. Anonymous Says:

    It is pleasing to see such insight on how a woman thinks, coming from a man!I believe many women give out of a sense of obligation especially when they have been deprived of support, understanding and loving attention. Women do this not only because of a fear that their man will leave them, but because of a fear of being critisised, or made to seem less in any way-less of a wife, mother etc.Then we feel resentful, then we look for a fight. Mostly its because we truly compromised our selves by giving when we really didn’t want to give,therefore disrespecting the self. We are then mainly angry at ourselves. Keep it up David, you on the right track, Im sure your woman will reap the benefits. Tip from me -Give without a desire for a reward!
    Rehana Tiry Amod

  4. Anonymous Says:

    You make women sound very needy beings and that they are incomplete without men!
    Surely women give if they want to give, not because they feel obliged – you make it sound like we live in the 19th century.
    And women get off on achieving goals and producing too.
    I think you only wrote this, David, to cause a stir! I take note for when I start my blogg.

  5. Sophie Says:

    I’m afraid I’m with the 2 other sceptics here, David. Afraid of being left? Surely that’s not more typical of women than of men…

    Men can be fun and all that, but not an absolute necessity for a great life, you know.

  6. David Wood Says:

    I agree that women can definitely enjoy producing/achieving goals – and that they are great at it. No contest ;-) Women are extraordinarily powerful.

    I suggest looking at this at an underlying societal level rather than an individual. And – all feedback and comments welcome.
    David

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