Top Coaching Techniques - Inner Firewalking

Top Ten Ways to Improve Your Relationship

The following is an excerpt from Top Coaching Techniques.

1. Ask your partner for three things you do that bugs or upsets him/her. (And then cut it out!)

2. Find three things your partner does that you appreciate, but don’t thank them enough for – and thank them!

3. Acknowledge your partner for ~who~ they are (as opposed to what they do) e.g. generous, loving, vulnerable, caring, funny.

4. Make a list of TEN things you value about your partner and the relationship, and let them know!

5. Advanced: Give him/her the space to tell you the things she’s scared to tell you. (Ask for something she’s uncomfortable telling you, and then BE OK with it – no matter what! You don’t get a second chance at this game)

6. Ask him/her if you’ve ever disappointed him. Then let him know it’s not your intention. (Note: if your emotions come up in response – let them go or leave the room!)

7. Advanced: What’s the Number One thing you’ve been withholding from your partner? Give them the change to accept you for who you are and what you’ve done.

8. Mark in your diary a weekly surprise for him/her. It can be a trip to Fiji, or a massage – it’s the regular thinking that counts.

9. Ask him/her the Number One thing you can do to make her happy.

10. Schedule a “pleasure session” for your partner where his/her job is only to enjoy, and reciprocation is not allowed!!!!

Nurturing Yourself

The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.

Client: I just felt like driving. I thought I could just keep driving, and driving, and driving.

David: Right.

Client: No worry about where I’m driving to, just keep driving.

David: Well you’re allowed to do that. Now you put something down near the bottom of the form, where you said, ‘I want to find ways of loving me and nurturing me.’

Client: Yeah.

David: Now I think that you’re doing that. I think that’s exactly where you are. I set up a context or a perspective for this call before we spoke, and the context that I created was healing and nurturing. I think you’re doing that. When you go to a therapist, you are loving yourself. You’re saying, ‘I’m worth taking care of.’ When you go to a financial planner, knowing that finances is something that’s bothering you, you are loving yourself and you’re taking care of yourself.

Do’s and Don’ts for Coaching Sessions- Part 2

The following is an excerpt from Top Coaching Techniques.

6. DON’T

Allow your client to be afraid of bigger than life goals.

Use Jack Canfield’s “Rule of 5”. Encourage your client to do 5 specific things that will move them toward their goal each day. Make sure that the tasks are simple and will help to create momentum.

7. DON’T

Assume you know what a client is going to say.

Stay present to what your client is saying right now.

8. DON’T

Focus on what you want for your client.

Focus on what a client wants to achieve.

9. DON’T

Let a client waste your time by consistently being late or forgetting sessions.

Set standards and procedures on lateness and lost sessions.

10. DON’T

End sessions abruptly.

Ask clients towards the end of the session what they got most from this session.

Every Day is a Stressful One

The following is an excerpt from Top Coaching Techniques.

Client: Well, I just get asked it 500 times a day.

David: Asked what?

Client: Well, ‘Have you got a job? Have you got job? What are you doing?’

David: Yeah, so society helps you. Society is supporting your judge. All I want you to notice for now is that you’ve got a judge that came to me on this call and said, ‘I feel like I’m not doing enough.’ We could look at it and we could check with another judge higher up, like God, and God would probably say, ‘You’re doing great. You don’t even need to do all this flyer stuff and all this business stuff.’ Even on that basis, even if we were going to judge you against everything you’ve done, even that stacks up. You’ve done a whole bunch of stuff.

I want you to take on something; I just want you to consider something for yourself, so we’ll plant a little seed here. I want you to consider the possibility that every single thing you did in the last seven days was actually what you should have done, even where you set a target and you didn’t make it. I want you to just consider, like what if you actually had, for you, at this stage in your life, the perfect week. Now there’s only one way that you could decide it wasn’t a perfect week. There’s only one way that you could decide, ‘Now that bit there, on the Thursday when my car broke down, that wasn’t perfect.’ There’s only one way you could decide that. Do you know what that is?

Client: If I decide it.

Top Ten Tips for Committing to Action

The following is an excerpt from Top Coaching Techniques.

1. Choose something you really want – not something you think you SHOULD do.

2. Set a goal that is specific and measurable – so you know you’ve reached it!

3. Find a way to make it fun (it doesn’t have to be serious).

4. Choose a meaningful halfway mark or milestone and ~celebrate~!

5. Have a friend do it with you.

6. Tell everyone what it is – it doesn’t exist until people know about it.

7. For the tricky ones, have three friends check in with you to see how you’re going.

8. Schedule a regular time of day or day of the week for your action.

9. Put up a banner or screen saver reminding you of the benefits of your goal.

10. Hang out with people who have the same or similar goals!!!

Top Ten Radical Actions for Finding a Partner

The following is an excerpt from Top Coaching Techniques.

1. Declare to all your friends that you’re available. Let them know the type of partner and relationship you’re looking for.

2. Ask 20 people out in the next seven days.

3. Join a dating service (try it!).

4. Get listed on the Internet dating sites (If you’re embarrassed, get over it! This is a non-confronting way to check people out, and it’s fun!)

5. Place a personal ad.

6. Do a personal development course.

7. Join 1-3 clubs/courses where people share a common interest with you, and where you’ll have fun (e.g. yoga, bush walking, dancing, indoor rock climbing, film club)

8. Polish up your life to become more attractive (i.e. list 5 things in your life which you know you should handle, and get them handled! E.g. health, house, car, fight with a friend)

9. List 5 people you would normally not ask out on a date (e.g. they’re not perfect, not your type, probably not interested, you’re not attracted to them), and ask them out! (Trust me – if nothing else, this gets you out, and lubricates the dating wheels)

10. Declare to yourself that you will be single for 6 months, and simply have the best time you possibly can! (You become a magnet!)