coaching example - Inner Firewalking

Common Coaching Issues

The following is an excerpt of David’s interview in Top Coaching Techniques.

Ingrid: What are some of the most common things that people come to you with?

David: One of the biggest ones is career direction. People are actually getting to a point – not just in Australia, but around the world – where they’re thinking, ‘You know what? There must be more to life. I don’t want to work in this job anymore, I want to find something that I’m really passionate about and I’d like to get paid for it.’

Forgive and Move On

The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.

David: I was thinking this could be an opportunity to train people in how to be with you, but I wonder if you could just take this as your mother was actually making a contribution to you.

Client: Yeah. She was within her full rights and I wasn’t prepared to give any ground on that occasion, because I was just angry and that was my reaction.

David: Right, and you were being defensive and you were plugged in.

Client: Right.

David: Got it. Is there anything that you need to clean up with your mom over that interaction?

Client: I think I’ve got a lot to clean up with my mom over everything. My father is a very passive person. He used to run his own business and he was very smart, but very passive. All of his staff always loved him. For instance, my sister had a bit of a run in with people at a tennis club one weekend and the person spoke to my dad, and my dad said, ‘Yeah, she’s got a bit of her mother in her.’

So my mother is very aggressive and she was always the one that disciplined us as kids. My father was always the man for the moment, you know. He would say, ‘what’s done, is done’ and how can we cure it? He was never very heavily emotional, whereas mom was always the one who would give a spanking or whatever. You knew if you got a spanking from my father you’d done something really wrong.

David: Right. Well, if I can do a little coaching here – and this is in the communications area – as a coach right now, I’m feeling a little bit lost, and this is normal. I think it’s because I’m hearing a lot of the stories from you. Like ‘this is what happened, and mom was like this’, but it’s really about now. So if you can talk in terms of ‘I feel’ and ‘this is what there is to clean up with my mom right now’, I think I’ll be able to really get it right between my eyes.

Following Your Dreams

The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.

Client: It’s like every week I’ve always come up with, ‘Oh, that would be good or I’d like to do that or own a dog washing business and drive around washing dogs.’

David: Well! Have you written those down?

Client: No, I haven’t.

David: Okay. I want you to write them down right now.

Client: Okay.

David: Those first few that you mentioned. This is going to be your homework, but I just want to get the ball rolling with you and then I’ll give you a form that’s really great. Okay, so: dog washing business, salon, journalist, writing documentaries. Yes, that’s great. You know, you wouldn’t believe how easy it is to do some of this stuff.

Client: Really? It seems like it’s so… but it would be easy, I guess.

Growing Confidence

The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.

David: Hey, not everyone wants to be around me all the time. In fact, most don’t. They just want to be around me sometimes.

Client: Yeah.

David: So there’s this whole thing about the concept of loving yourself, and I think most of us don’t. I think I’m even still getting there. There are things about us that we just think are wrong. Now, the fact is, it’s not true. Anything about myself that I think I can criticize… Are you a religious person?

Client: Oh yeah, kind of.

David: OK, so let’s use the concept of God. You know God loves all of us. Why shouldn’t we? Who are we, if God says, ‘Look, you’re you and you’re magnificent’, then who are we to say, ‘No, I’m not’?

Client: Yeah, true.

David: That’s really, actually, quite obnoxious. It’s arrogant to say, ‘You know, my lack of confidence is a real problem, God. I shouldn’t have that. That sucks and I’m going to try and fix it every day.’ You know what I mean?

Client: Yes. Okay. That sounds good.

David: So at some point you’ll have this. You’ll have it from time to time, and then you’ll forget it and just go ‘Ah, I’m not going to give that any energy anymore, because it’s okay. I can be unconfident’. At some point it’ll be appropriate for you to have more confidence.

Understanding Coaching Boundaries

The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.

David: I know a woman, a coach, whose brother is an alcoholic. For years she had to put up with hell – her brother coming and taking her car, being at family get-togethers, and all this stuff – and her story, her sorry story, was, ‘Well, he’s my brother and what can I do?’

Client: Yeah.

David: She finally did the kindest thing she could do; she said, ‘You are not welcome in my house while you’re drinking. You cannot have my car, you cannot walk in my house, and you are not allowed at family gatherings. I love you. You’re my brother, but that is the boundary I am setting.’ Do you know what happened?

Client: What, he became sober?

David: I’m not so sure about that, but what I do know is this woman became more powerful and she wasn’t a victim anymore. Now I am wondering what it would take for you? I have to be careful that I don’t ask for something here.

Client: I have to grow up. I am a victim.

Dealing With Hurt

The following is an excerpt of one of David’s coaching sessions in Top Coaching Techniques.

David: Now, one of the things I think is a real opportunity might be this area with your brother.

Client: Mm hmm.

David: Let’s deal with that really quickly. So you wrote on your form, ‘I didn’t call my brother by Thursday as planned. I can’t remember if I forgot or didn’t want to deal with it.’ I’m going to suggest the same thing: that often we forget, because it’s something that we didn’t want to do.