Archive for April, 2006

David and the donkey

Wednesday, April 19th, 2006

Great time in Marrakech!

Quite an experience hanging out with 400 millionaire entrepreneurs under the age of 40.

My favourite experience was playing donkey polo – you have to check out that pic:

Some things I am bringing back from the Young Millionaire’s conference:

- You CAN get a lot of free publicity if you know how. Hint: Contact the journalists, NOT the editor (Stay tuned for more on this topic) I heard a guy speak who got 3,200 articles, and on EVERY major talk show.

- Met a lady who plans to be a senator within 5 years

- Survey your customers for where you’re failing, and where you’re succeeding. (Also your competition’s customers for what they are doing well, and poorly)

- I would LOVE to do online fundraising for charity. If you have any information or contacts related to this, please post it here on the blog. – I feel called to support http://www.cuddleparty.com/ more actively. I feel this makes a solid contribution to the world.

- I’m going to read ‘Good to Great’ by Jim Collins and ‘Mastering the Rockefeller Habits’ by Verne Harnish and ‘Tipping Point’ by Malcolm Gladwell. And if you haven’t read ‘The E-Myth Revisited ‘ yet by Michael Gerber, you shouldn’t be running a business. (Ok that’s strong, but you don’t read my stuff to be molly-coddled, right?)

- Who’s on your dream team? Make a list of your ideal dream team of supporters and mentors, and enroll them.

- Is it time to upgrade your rolodex? I flew to Morocco, and paid about US$8,000 for the privilege, so I could hang out with people who think bigger (in business) than my current network. And BOY did it expand my thinking. I also went to the Yanik Silver conference in DC to meet people who are doing HUGE things on the internet. So – where will you find the crowd that will pull you up?

- 1.5 of my new staff members resigned while I was traveling. I was close to being upset, but quickly realized there’s a lot to learn from the experience, and the next incarnation will be even better, and more tailored to what we need.

UPDATE: I’m now in the Philippines with Dr. Rob and one of my best buddies Nathan. It feels good to be working with two of the people I respect and admire most on the planet. Back to NY May 15, and then I’d like to stay put for at least 6 weeks!

More pictures of Morocco:

Create #41 – The Doomed Relationship Model

Monday, April 17th, 2006

1. Announcements/Offers

How was this marriage saved?

I was very moved to receive this success story from a reader of my ‘The Truth About Women’ ebook:

“David, I have to say thank you sooooo MUCH!!! My husband and I seemed to be worlds apart until I found your ebook. We were in such bad shape I thought there was no where left to go.

We starting reading ‘The Truth About Women’ together about a week ago and it was as if the light came on. He actually looked at me and said “I GET IT!” I understand now what you’ve been trying to tell me all along”

We have our good days and our bad days, but the bad ones are becoming far less and when we need to we just reference your ebook to seek coaching!

I know this all sounds so stereotypical but it is the truth. Thank you so much. You have truly saved a family from it’s own demise!”

Tracey Iverson
West Chester PA USA
gtkiverson @ aol.com

Click here for ‘The Truth About Women



2. FEATURE: The Doomed Relationship Model

This is excerpted from my eBook, ‘The Truth About Women’.

The Giving Woman

This relationship model is one that too many relationships are wallowing in.

Women are taught from an early age to be giving, and to look after their man. They learn that a
woman is valued in society when she ‘lands a man’, gets married and has children. This places enormous pressure on her to find a man and keep him happy.

Combined with this, she is fully aware that she will become less and less ‘marketable’ as a wife as she ages, so time to find a man is running out.

The Achieving Man

Little boys learn that achieving is good – build bridges, skyscrapers, and fly to the moon. They do not dream of their wedding day and being a husband, but rather what they will be when they grow up.

While men are well-meaning, they are more self-focused than partner-focused – that is, they are selfish. And men do not suffer the same time pressure to marry, because for them time does not run out in the way that it does for women – in fact, many men become more marketable, not less, with age!

Craving Attention

Women desire, in fact thrive on attention. When her partner is thinking about her, giving her what she asks for, and even giving her what she wants before she asks for it, a woman shines. She is radiant, and it spills over to those around her – including her man.

However, most men are not taught to focus on their partner. They learn to focus on their own needs. Combined with this, they are not as intuitive as women, and therefore often do not naturally know what their partner needs or wants.

She takes this lack of attention personally, reading it as a signal that she is not loved.

Not Asking

It gets worse. If women were taught that it was OK to ask for what they wanted, and that they deserved attention, we might have a fighting chance of succeeding in relationships. If this were the case, women might then clearly communicate to their men what they want so that the men could provide it.

However, women learn that they are not to want too much; rather, it is more important to be giving – to be a good partner. Women are in this way trained or conditioned to give, acting out of a feeling of obligation, or fear that the man will leave them if they don’t do it. This is not the same as giving from choice.

Sad Relationship Model

Thus we have a relationship model which is quite sad once we clearly see its dynamics, yet which is almost universal! Women crave attention, but are taught to provide for their man. Men love to achieve goals, and have the potential to be excellent providers, yet have not learned to focus on their partner. Even if they did, they would not have a clear understanding of what their partner wanted.

The Cost

The result of all this is that the woman is often frustrated, and – not trained to understand what she is lacking and to ask for it – will often ‘act out’ in ways which are not pleasant for either partner. The man is often well-meaning, but clueless. This has unfortunate consequences for both partners.

Firstly, the woman is missing out on the attention she desires and needs in order to shine as a powerful woman. Secondly, the man is missing out on the fulfillment he would get from meeting her needs. Thirdly, he misses out on the numerous benefits of having a having a lit up, radiant partner – which is actually what he most craves. Last but not least, her frustration will have a very strong negative effect on the relationship.

***

Next issue we will discuss the Winning Relationship Model. Or you can start improving your relationship right now in, ‘The Truth About Women’.

Best Regards,

P.S. If you have any comments on this newsletter, we’d love you to share them
here on the blog .


3. The Personal Touch

As usual, my update feels like a pretty big one.

In February I went back to Australia to close out a phase of my life and officially move to the USA. Visited Dr. Rob in the Philippines and ended up deciding to spend some more time and do some consulting there.

Back to New York for just a month of fun with friends, and then the travel started all over again! Yanik Silver internet marketing conference in Washington D.C. Then flew to Morocco for the Young Entrepreneurs conference (these are people under 40 turning over at least $1m pa in their own businesses. I was fortunate enough to go as a guest.) Made GREAT contacts, good friends, and have some cool pics.

Then it was onto Qatar for 24 hours (I didn’t even know it was a country), and now I’m in the Philippines spending time with Rob and Nathan. OK – I’m off to play badminton and rock climb.

David

MM #59: 7 Steps to the Ideal Exploratory Session

Tuesday, April 11th, 2006

1. Announcements/Offers

More Clients than You Can Handle

I’m thrilled at the great response to our advanced marketing CD set. If you’re really ready for advanced marketing, I recommend you go to the web site and get your copy now. It ships within 2 business days, and you get immediate online access so you can listen in straight away.

EXPLODE YOUR COACHING PRACTICE™: Proven Practice Building Secrets to Give You More Clients Than You Can Handle.

These are actual recordings of my very best mentoring sessions with up and coming coaches over the past four years:

http://www.explodeyourpractice.com

Use our new support page instead of emailing

This email address is no longer monitored. Instead visit our new Support Center for instant access to answers and the ability to send tickets to Customer Support.


2. FEATURE: 7 Steps to the Ideal Exploratory Session – Part 1

Whether you are at a point in your coaching where you are completely comfortable approaching and securing new clients for yourself, or you have just begun, the tips below will support you in taking your coaching practice to the next level.

Use the following guidelines to set up your exploratory session for a new prospect. Of course, you’ll want to adapt it to your own coaching style. Take the best for you, practice, review each session, fine tune, practice again, and repeat to the point where you are confident. You’ll then be getting the response, results, and fees from your clients that you want and deserve.

The Exploratory Session

1) Set the context of the session

  • This really just means: agree why you are both speaking to each other.
  • Is it one-time inspiration? A feel good chat? Or a pre-cursor to major change in their life?
  • For me, it’s to explore whether together we can make a MAJOR change in their life, or not. I let them know that at the end of the session there will be – if I feel it appropriate -an invitation to set up a committed coaching structure to support their goals.
  • If you skip this step, it’s possible they will feel ‘sold to’ – best to have everything up front.
  • Let them know there’s no obligation at all. And that you don’t work with everyone. You’ll only go forward together if it feels right on both sides. (It’s even better if this is actually true!)

2) Locate their ‘Hot Button’

  • Ask them to come up with ONE goal. You can start with three, but focus in quickly on ONE. Otherwise it’s too scattered.
  • Help them to clearly define what one thing would really make a difference in their life right now. Ask how they would feel in their body if that were to happen and how their life would be different once that occurs. See if they can connect with the feeling. (Further questions to bring out the goals are covered in The CoachStart Manual.)
  • Check they believe it is possible. ‘Pie in the Sky’ dreams are not something they will pay for. If it doesn’t seem possible, help them pick a more realistic goal, or help them see how it IS possible.

3) How a coach will make the difference

  • If they don’t see how coaching can make the difference, you’ll may have an inspired prospect, who will go off to try it on their own.
  • Help them see how the coaching will ‘look’. Most people haven’t had a coach, and don’t even understand it’s once a week on the phone for a fixed period of time, with home work. (I like to have them read about this before the session, so they are already getting used to the idea, and we don’t waste time on it in the session).
  • Let them know coaching can be fun, enjoyable and rewarding process.
  • But more importantly – ASK THEM HOW COACHING WOULD HELP! It’s ten times more valuable to both of you, if they come up with how it will help, instead of you trying to sell them on it. You can hint if they flounder and you can intuit how coaching will help this person.

4) Commitment

  • Get them ‘off the fence’. Ask them, “How
    serious are you about making this change in your life?” Then they can truly
    look at if they are just blowing smoke or they really are going to do something.
    If they say they are really serious, your chances of a signing client just jumped
    higher.
  • Challenge them with ‘uncommon compassion’. If you honestly think
    that if they don’t sign up they won’t do anything differently, consider telling
    them.
  • Let them know that it’s OK to think about it, but that’s NOT WHAT
    YOU’RE ABOUT. Thinking about it doesn’t actually change lives. You are there,
    if they are ready for it, to get them to the place where they are doing more than
    “just thinking about” whatever it is they REALLY WANT in their life.

Part II

In the next issue we will cover the last three steps:

1. Objections
2. The invitation
3. Setting up your client.

Action: Prepare for your Exploratory Sessions

1. Write down a procedure/script/list of questions you would like to ask for your
exploratory sessions.

2. Decide how many introductory sessions you want to give in the next 60 days. For accountability post at the blog the number of sessions you will do, and by when! (Also any juicy questions or steps for your exploratory session that you are particularly proud of.)

* * *

This article was based on a recording of a coach mentoring session you can hear in the Explode Your Practice™ CD set:
http://www.explodeyourpractice.com.

Enjoy!

David